Today I’m at my whiteboard, sleeves rolled up and talking about a topic I’m super-passionate about – Beauty Self-Esteem. Did you ever have one of those days where you spend hours looking in the mirror feeling unhappy with what you see? There’s a constant inner critic telling you your hair isn’t as nice as your colleague Jane’s, that your skin is terrible and that your eyes look tired. Things you’d never imagine saying to a dear friend. I know I do.
And it's hard. Because we’re bombarded by images, many of which are altered or airbrushed to a level that are so perfected, they don’t even exist. And we compare ourselves and find ourselves lacking. And this happens hundreds and hundreds of times a day on social media.
So we need to take charge of our beauty self-esteem – which is basically saying we need to work on our own feelings of attractiveness.
So I was reading this fascinating article in Psychology Today by Dr Vivian Diller. It addressed the topic of attractiveness versus conventional ‘beauty’. We all know those individuals who may not be conventional beauties but they exude je ne sais quoi and comfort in their own skin – where does that come from?
Dr Diller broke it down into 3 components, something I think is incredibly helpful for those ‘meh’ days when you’re not feeling your best.
1) Genetics – not something we can control. Not that interesting. And invariably, as we age, our features will change. It’s a fact of life. If our beauty self-esteem is rooted in only this, we are set up to fail. So let’s move on!
2) Good Grooming
Now it gets interesting. This is the stuff we can influence.
I’ll always remember the patient - in her 60s, immaculately groomed - who told me that she had learned to enjoy spending money to make herself feel good – rather than chasing perfection with procedures to stop herself feeling bad.
This is why I’m evangelical about my 3 Pillars of Beauty at any age. Because anyone and everyone can improve their skin, brows+ lashes and hair. And everyone, literally everyone can look and feel more attractive through these endeavours.
3) Positive Self-Regard
This is where we tackle that internal narrative and challenge the often faulty files we have stored in heads, leading us to tell ourselves a story that’s untrue or flawed. Maybe these thoughts are based on things we heard repeatedly in childhood from an overly critical parent or sibling. Or maybe they’re the mental scars accumulated over years spent dealing with problem skin. There’s no doubt that many people who suffer from blemishes feel filled with self-loathing – and when the internal voice tells you this on repeat many hundreds of times a day, it’s no wonder that this whittles away at self-confidence so viciously, persisting long after the physical condition has been treated.
We can’t rely on our culture to make us feel good about ourselves. Instead, we can empower ourselves by learning methods to change the way we think about ourselves. By challenging fixed ideas and false beliefs and cultivating an affectionate, realistic and positive tone with ourselves, we can truly build long-term self-confidence and beauty self-esteem.
Link to article: